Facing Ageing with Faith, Not Fear

How do you feel about getting older?

Not many of us like the idea of getting old. It is a stage of life that few look forward to and many actually fear. Although we are grateful for the medical advances that are giving us longer lives, we don’t want to be old. It’s not a subject that we like to think about or talk about. How can we encourage others as they approach old age and how can we navigate this season of life ourselves?

As Christians, we know the many verses that tell us not to fear. We know that God promises to be with us, to help us. But if we are honest, many of us still feel anxious about what our future old age will look like. There is no blueprint for what lies ahead of us - it is a step into the unknown. Everyone’s experience is different. We may dare to ask ourselves, Will people treat me differently because I am old? Will they think I’m past it? Is my value fading? What about practical matters - will I have enough money? What about my health? And perhaps even more concerning, Will I get dementia?

Do we agree with the person who said, ‘I’m fine as I am now. And I’m not worried about what happens after I die. It’s the grey area in between’?

Whatever our fears of old age, the psalms show us that this is a not a new issue. In Psalm 71:9, we read, Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone (NIV). There is a recognition here that our vitality and health will indeed fade as we age.

The evangelist, Billy Graham, who lived until he was 99, wrote these words in later life, ‘No one ever taught me how I ought to live in the years before I die. I wish they had because I am an old man now, and believe me, it’s not easy’. He admitted the difficulties of old age.

There is no point pretending that old age is not a challenging stage of our lives. I suggest that, as a starting point, we need to identify the issues that may be ahead, both for ourselves and for those we care for. We need to be prepared.

As so many of us are reluctant to talk about our feelings about old age, I decided to carry out a survey. More than 3,200 people, aged between 35 and 75, responded from all over the UK. I asked questions about attitudes and specific fears about old age, as well as about other factors such as faith and health that might affect them.

What did I find out? Not surprisingly, the survey showed that the fear of old age is a significant factor in many peoples’ lives. The overriding fear was the loss of independence stemming from poor health and going to a care home. There were other issues too, such as financial insecurity, loneliness and being a burden.

I am going to highlight just two of my findings. The first relates to age. You might expect that the nearer a person gets to old age, the more fearful they will become. However, the survey showed that this wasn’t the case – it was the people between the ages of 35 and 50 who were the most fearful. For example, over 50% of them worried a great deal both about financial insecurity in old age compared with 21.5% of those between 70 and 74. This pattern was repeated across all the areas questioned (e.g., poor health, loss of independence, being lonely) except one – moving to a care home. There is some encouragement for us here. Throughout our lives, we are susceptible to the negative stereotypes that relate to old age. However, as we approach old age, some of the issues turn out to be less of a challenge than expected.

The second finding I want to highlight is particularly relevant to the Faith in Later Life community. Questions about faith and its importance showed that people with a religious commitment and a belief in an afterlife had significantly more fear of old age than those with no faith. How could this be? Surely faith would provide a support and comfort to people as they face the challenges of life, including those of old age. This was something that I felt I had to explore further.

To do this, I put together a focus group study. I recruited 28 people and allocated them, according to age and religious belief (Christian or none), into four groups. They discussed their attitudes to old age and the influence that their beliefs had on their lives. There were a number of fascinating insights and I have selected one to share here. Of the people in the focus groups who identified as Christians, there were those whose faith was alive and a fundamental part of their life. And there were those for whom Christianity was more a cultural identity than a personal faith. For the latter, it was clear that their faith had little effect upon their daily lives and they were more anxious about the future and the challenges of old age. For those with a committed faith, it was a different story. They did not share the same levels of fear or concern and had a greater sense of security about their future.

It was interesting to discover more about some of the factors that influence our attitude towards old age. The fear of old age is a very real issue for many of us. And, as I found through the survey, this fear is not limited to people approaching old age. It is just as much of an issue, if not more so, for the middle aged.

Is there anything that we can do to help ourselves and those around us to navigate this time of life well, to see it as another stage of life with its own opportunities as well as challenges?

Here are some things to consider:

• We can be confident that Jesus does not want us to be anxious. We can trust Him with our future. As Corrie ten Boom, who lived to be 91, said, ‘Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God’.

• Whatever lies ahead, His commitment to us remains. As Psalm 23:6 reminds us, ‘Surely your goodness and love will follow me, all the days of my life’. Not only that, but as Paul found in the midst of his challenges, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’ (2 Corinthians 12: 9).

• Old age needs to be faced and planned for. Don’t let it take you by surprise. So many of us are reluctant to admit to being old. But we delude ourselves if we believe we can forestall the passage of time and its eventual effect on our mind and our bodies. We need to face the facts.

• Look for role models. Are there older people in your community who are facing this stage of their lives with wisdom and grace? What can you learn from them?

• If you are in a position of Christian leadership, could you talk about these issues? At a time when nearly one in five people in the UK is over the age of 65, this is not a peripheral issue. It affects us all.

Whatever age we are, we need to learn how to talk about the things that worry us and help each other to face whatever challenges may be ahead of us. Admitting our fears is not a failure. It is taking the first step towards dealing with them.

Our CEO, Alexandra, and Fi recently had an engaging conversation about Fi's research - watch here